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As a result of these meetings, as well as my own research, I have found that one of the things that helps parents come to terms with their children's sexual orientation is the idea that being gay or lesbian is innate. Sex researchers have examined the factors related to women and men's sexual arousal and have found that women of all sexual orientations were more likely than heterosexual and gay men to become sexually stimulated in response to erotic images of both women and men, in heterosexual and homosexual coitus. I am happy this idea comforts parents, but is it true? There is good reason to believe that for many women, feelings of sexual attraction are less fixed and more flexible than originally thought.Even though I had never ever met or known a homosexual and had never ever heard of homosexuality I could easily imagine how wonderful it would be to be gay and fall in love with the boy next door instead of his sister. I think that's why some people choose to be dumb too.So I instantly decided at that moment that being gay was far better and would be a lot more fun. I am amazed that so many children choose to be heterosexual when it's so much better being gay in our country. It is also my clinical, research, and personal experience that at some time in their lives, many would have changed their sexual attractions.I don't know the answer, but I hope people can understand why we want to ask the question.I suspect some are afraid of admitting any degree of choice for anyone, anticipating the public policy stakes. I'm glad this author was willing to seek out more clarity.Please refer to my response below to Micah - 'I think that we find'.It's not a simple matter of wanting to 'have it both ways'.

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And maybe the answer is that, for some who are toward the middle of the spectrum, there is some built in choice?

For some people their sexual orientation is one-way (gay or straight), fixed, 'in-born', immutable.

For others they have some choice ranging from a lot to very little depending on their own particular makeup.

People of all sexual orientations (even those who don't claim one) need to find ways to live in a world that stigmatizes same-sex attractions and relationships, and those of us called upon to support and assist these people need to understand this if we are to be helpful.

Think about how a Japanese baby that grows up in America can speak English.

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