Kissing worldly dating goodbye
But we were already pretty serious, pretty intense, about relationships, which were relatively rare – not least because it’s hard to date around within the faith when there are far fewer Christians in your country to start with.Into this context came Josh Harris’ book, and others like it, and those general currents from the other side of the Atlantic, and it seemed as if that stopped what little dating there was dead in its tracks.In a deep (and well-meaning) desire to be “intentional,” or in an attempt to hide behind the excuse of it because of the pressure they felt, guys in their twenties became, or stayed, passive. A few wandered beyond the confines of church teaching and found that out in the real world, people could go out together and it didn’t have to be as complicated as we made it.We needed the freedom to be together one-to-one without the niggling thought that this had to go somewhere, or without the frisson of the forbidden, which is its own kind of pressure.I would agree with that, though for many of us, it feels like it’s too late, that the damage has already been done.We skipped an important developmental step along the way, missed out on marriage, and for some of us, it’s too late to have children, too. I’d already had my teenage fun, my first snog and many subsequent ones.
The guys would then flock to us, presumably multiplying like loaves and fishes since single women vastly outnumber single men in the British church.)To say that a guy must only ask a girl out when he is ready to court her is to put unbearable pressure on both of them.
The jist of it was: , which would also have been the title of my book if self-publishing had existed back then.
It was, essentially, this: that Christian guys hid behind God-excuses rather than taking dating seriously – or even try it at all. We date, I think, less casually, or less prolifically, particularly in our teens.
(Dan, Dan, Toasted Cheese Sandwich Man, my friends called him, and now you can see why I wanted to tell you his real name.) We prayed together in his room.
We went to see and I – oh, how I cringe at this memory – used this as a golden excuse to put my head on his shoulder and cry like a baby through most of it.